We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
