I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
