We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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