I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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