Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
