she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
do herpes really smell.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
