Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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