would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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