I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
We need to feng shui this bitch.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
