how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
