If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Sorry about my life...
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
