i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
