You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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