It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
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My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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