I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
