im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
