She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
