I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Randomize
