You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
