Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Do vagina's smell?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
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she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
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I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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