Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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