....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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