saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
