Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
