I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Randomize
