OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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