turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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