after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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