You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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