I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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