got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
