We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I have feelings that need drinking.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
