thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
