go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
