you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
