my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
