Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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