ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
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the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
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How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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