The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
