i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i was born a porn star she said
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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