tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
