Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just invented taco cereal.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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