Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
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I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
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Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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