Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize