I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
