I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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