i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Sorry my hands just texted you
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
