In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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