YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Randomize
