I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
