My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
