I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
