you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
