Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
