Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?