I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Found the puke drawer
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!