I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
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His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
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We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat