I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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