i'm signing you up for texting rehab
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
