Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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