I wish I only lived at night.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
They have beer where we have blood.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
