At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
