Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize