I heard we made out
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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