And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
